Chaos—or Conscious Connection?

Chaos—or Conscious Connection?

“Your entire life only happens in this moment. The present moment is life itself. Yet, people live as if the opposite were true and treat the present moment as a stepping stone to the next moment - a means to an end.” — Eckhart Tolle

Are your get-togethers with friends and family often tinged with stress and turmoil?

Do you look forward to all the gatherings and events of the season, or is there a layer of dread mixed in when you think of spending extra time with the people in your life?

Trying to keep track of everything on your list while also trying to connect with friends and family can leave even the most extroverted of us just wishing it was all over.

We’ve recently explored many ways to have a healthier mindset, which helps us make better choices about what we put on our plate and improves our ability to handle unexpected stressors. Here are two other essential parts of a healthy mindset: connection and being present.

Connection

We all need connection, and making active choices about who we spend most of our time with can make a big difference in how we feel. When it comes to work, and sometimes even family, we can’t always fully control who we spend time around—but we may not realize the impact the people we’re with the most can have on our mindset.

Some people build us up just by being with them. Seek these people out. We’re going to think/act/talk/treat ourselves a little bit like the people we spend the most time with.

However, we can all think of a few people in our lives that might not fit into this category. They might be family members that drain us a little more than they fill our cup. They might be friends that are always complaining or seeing the world with a glass-half-empty perspective. Unless there is abuse or toxicity that is really dragging us down, it’s okay to spend time with these people. Maybe for them, we’re the ones that build them up and help them be more positive. But it’s not a bad idea to limit the time we spend with draining people, and make sure we balance it out with lots of healthier connections.

Positive connection with other people plays a crucial role in nurturing and maintaining a healthy mindset. Having a good support system can help buffer against stress and difficulties. Sharing experiences, thoughts, and feelings with others reduces loneliness and isolation, and healthy relationships provide validation and encouragement when we need a pick-me-up. Spending time being social with supportive friends and family can reduce stress, and positive social interaction even triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone which reduces stress levels. Nurturing relationships with friends and family provide emotional support, perspective, and a sense of belonging, all of which is very important for a healthy mindset.

Let’s not forget our non-human connections! While interactions with pets don’t replace connecting with friends and family members, studies still show they still help to reduce stress, increase happiness and fulfillment, and can even lead to more opportunities to connect with other people. 

Being Present

Once we’ve chosen what we want to do and who we want to spend time with, how can we ensure that we actually enjoy our plans? So many of us struggle with simply being present. It’s hard to stay focused on who we’re with and what we’re doing when we have reminders of every stressor and distraction in our lives right there in our hands, often buzzing with reminders to make sure we don’t forget them. 

Even without smartphones pulling us away from conversations and experiences, we find plenty of ways to avoid being present. Some of us might be physically present, but we’re stuck in our heads, rehashing past events or worrying about what the future holds. 

Many of us fall victim to the lure of multitasking, which seems like we’re getting more done, but actually keeps us from being fully engaged in any of the activities. 

Noise or chaotic environments are plentiful this time of year, and those can also be distracting, or add strong emotions like stress, anxiety, or excitement that can take our attention away from what’s happening right now. 

Sometimes we even have trouble just being with ourselves as we try to practice mindfulness or use the two-minute breaks that can help calm and focus our mindset. How can we battle our tendency to be distracted and scattered?

Try this:

Here are several great strategies to increase our ability to be present:

Slow down: Try not to rush through tasks or conversations. There might be important details or connections with others that you miss as you try to be efficient in every area of your life.

Engage Your Senses: Pause and pay attention to what your senses are telling you. What do you see? What can you hear? Can you smell anything? What textures are around you?

Limit distractions: Set up some parameters on your phone that only let emergency notifications through, or set certain times during the day when you’re going to check and respond to communications. Set limits on how much time you’re willing to spend on social media, and set up habits that create technology-free times or zones in your day.

Use Active Listening and Acceptance: Fully engage yourself in what your companion is saying, without thinking about what you’ll say next. Try to embrace whatever is happening with acceptance and without judgment. That goes for yourself, too. Notice and acknowledge how you’re feeling about everything without trying to change it or judging yourself for your reactions.

Practice mindfulness and meditation: If you can take time when you’re alone to practice eliminating distraction and focusing on your breathing, positive affirmations, or just existing, it will work those mental muscles, and it will be easier to concentrate on things or people even in a busier environment.

As you are deliberate about being present in whatever activity you’re doing, it will help you experience things more fully. This will lead to less mental chatter, more enjoyment of the things you’re doing, better connection with your support system, and maybe you’ll learn some things about the events or people you have a harder time with. 

Join us for next week’s blog as we go more in depth on how we can actually accomplish slowing down and relaxing—and don’t miss my free office hours that are live on Facebook every 2nd and 4th Saturday of the month at 11 AM MST. Bring any and all questions you have about personal growth and wellbeing!