Death Is a Bummer!

Death Is a Bummer!

“I am the whisper in the back of your mind, the one thing you cannot leave behind. I come for all, with no regard for time.”

Death is universal and inevitable. We rightly associate grief with death, but processing death is much more complex than just grieving.  It usually involves crisis management, which can mean dealing with business complications, financial struggles, legal issues, and other hard-to-navigate problems. Everyone experiences unique challenges that we may not be able to anticipate.

One thing we also might not be ready for is dealing with everyone’s else’s emotions. Sometimes even well-meaning friends who don’t know what to say or do can add to our emotional burden. And, unfortunately, the rest of the world continues to turn, oblivious to the strain and pains that we’re experiencing. People still expect us to pay our bills, fulfill many responsibilities, and navigate the world as we did before. This can be difficult when grief hits, and can be compounded by all of the stressors and obligations that can surround death.

I remember experiencing this when my dad passed. When I was getting on the plane to head back home afterwards, for some reason I felt that I needed a label to let others know that I wasn’t quite right. I was tender and fragile. I had a hard time with simple things like navigating the airport and knowing how to interact with people. I felt untethered, almost as if I was in another world. I thought I knew how I would feel, but when it actually happened I was shocked by my response. 

There is much more to this story that you can watch in this Big Talk I did, but this experience made me realize that death can prompt so much more than grief. It is deeply sad, and it leaves a space we don’t know how to fill. Even when we think we are prepared, and that we know how to deal with death, our actual reactions can catch us totally unaware.

All death is an end. There is no hierarchy, and we can’t really anticipate how it will affect us. Each family member may grieve differently, leading to potential conflicts or misunderstandings about how to cope with the loss. Thankfully, we can find proper support and strategies that will help us process, learn, and heal in our own unique way and time.  

We need to be patient with each other. Grief can sometimes strain communication within a family. Open and honest communication is crucial to navigating this difficult time. The loss of a loved one can lead to emotional distress, depression, or anxiety among family members. Some family members may lack a strong support system, making it harder for them to cope with the loss. Encouraging and facilitating emotional support is important. It's essential to seek support and consider professional counseling if needed.

We also need to be patient with ourselves. Everyone has heard of the stages of grief, but it’s rarely that simple. We need to be accepting of and curious about our own journey, and not be frustrated when our grief doesn’t show up in the way or on the timeline we’ve expected. The grieving process is not linear, and there is no set timeline for how long it should take. The duration can vary widely among individuals, and certain triggers might prompt new stages or intensities. 

There is not a wrong way to grieve. We only need to make sure we are seeking the support we need, and making sure we have the tools to understand and work through it. Providing those tools for others has been one of my goals in my job, and I would love to help you navigate and process your own journey of loss.