Too Many Boundaries: Blocking Our Own Progress

Too Many Boundaries: Blocking Our Own Progress

You’re hesitant to let anyone see your flaws.

You try to let everyone think you have it all figured out and rarely accept needed help or support.

Sometimes your tendency to depend solely on yourself leaves you feeling alone and isolated. 

You feel like some of your relationships are superficial. 

Sound familiar? These characteristics are common in individuals who construct too many boundaries in their lives. 

In Fahrenheit 451, Guy Montag, the main character, puts up a metaphorical wall to isolate himself from a society that doesn't allow freedom of thought. The author writes, “He had put up a stone wall of isolation, and, behind it, he sank into the sleep of his own dreams.”

This wall represents his emotional and intellectual separation from the oppressive rules around him. When we relate this to having too many boundaries in life, it shows how isolating ourselves too much can limit personal growth and connections with others. It's like building walls that keep us from experiencing life fully—hindering our individuality and potential.

Not everyone struggles with having too many boundaries. In my last blog, I outlined the effects of not having enough boundaries. However, it’s entirely possible for someone with low boundaries to become exhausted and frustrated and then swing to the opposite side of the pendulum to protect themselves. But neither extreme will provide happy and stable relationships. Finding the right boundaries can be a bit of trial and error, but it’s worth the time and effort to figure out the level of boundary and protection we need in various situations with various people. Here’s what having too many boundaries can look like: 

The Silent Indicator: Low Self-Worth

Picture this: an individual with walls so high that even they struggle to see beyond them. These boundaries, often indicating low self-worth, act as a shield against the world. The fear of exposing their own flaws and vulnerabilities leads to a reluctance to let others in.

The Illusion of Independence

One consequence of erecting too many boundaries is the creation of an illusion – an appearance that screams independence. While self-sufficiency can be a helpful quality, the reluctance to accept support, even when needed, may send a signal to the world that you neither want nor require assistance.

Counter-Dependence and Radical Aloneness

Counter-dependence takes the stage when radical aloneness becomes the norm. In the pursuit of avoiding emotional dependence, an individual may find themselves isolated and lonely. The fear of relying on others inadvertently results in pushing away friends and potential supporters.

Blind Spots: Ignoring the Needs of Others

Sometimes we can become so preoccupied with our own needs that we become blind to the needs of those around us. Overemphasizing personal needs while pushing away those who need us can create a one-sided narrative. This hinders the development of meaningful connections.

Superficial Relationships

Having an excess of boundaries often translates into relationships that are more surface than substance. The fear of vulnerability limits the capacity to give and receive emotional support. We can then turn our conversations into mere exchanges rather than meaningful interactions.

The Comfort Zone Dilemma

While the walls provide a sense of comfort, they inadvertently become barriers to growth. The lack of exposure to diverse perspectives and experiences prevents personal development, leaving one stagnant in a seemingly secure but limited “comfort zone.”

If we can recognize when we have too many boundaries and address the problem, we’ve taken the first steps towards breaking free from the constraints that inhibit personal growth and meaningful connections. Freedom involves embracing vulnerability, acknowledging flaws, and allowing others to be a part of our journey. Are you ready to break down walls and start building your future? Let’s get in touch!