Preparation is Half the Battle
Preparation is Half the Battle
We’ve all seen people who handle transitions and life changes really well—or really poorly. Especially if we’re under a lot of pressure, it’s easy to fumble the challenges a new life stage can bring.
While we can’t anticipate everything that’s going to happen to us, sometimes a little awareness and preparation can help us negotiate these twists and turns with more grace. There are key areas in life where many changes occur, and it can be difficult during those times to stay on top of our mental health.
What changes might be hardest for older adolescents and young adults? Then, later, as some choose to form their own families, what difficulties might people encounter as they try to blend two personalities and lives, and start to raise children together? What challenges do “empty nesters” face when they shift into that new phase of life? These are all very broad life stages, and everyone experiences life from a unique perspective, but there are general transitions that we can usually expect during these life stages.
Young adults (late teens to mid twenties) have plenty of upheaval in their life. Moving away from home, starting college or a new job, and establishing independence can all be stressful transitions. Some young adults are beginning to form long-term attachments, whether that involves good friends or romantic ties. They often feel increased stress and anxiety, and may or may not feel like they can lean on existing family and friends to help navigate their impending decisions. Young adults might grapple with identity formation, questioning their values, beliefs, and future paths. Some even struggle with substance abuse, as this is a time when it becomes legal for them to experiment, and many young adult social activities can involve alcohol and other drugs (some legal, some not). Overall, they feel considerable pressure about how each decision they make might impact their futures. Some of them may not know how to take care of their mental health yet, so their new stressors can be overwhelming.
If they successfully navigate young adulthood, new couples who are forming their own families (whether or not they have children) now have to figure out how to communicate effectively. Blending two lives is complicated, and differences in personality, interests, backgrounds, or communication styles can create tension and misunderstandings in a new relationship. They have to figure out an effective conflict resolution style to get through some of their differences, give voice to the (sometimes unrealized) expectations each person has, and learn to balance time apart, time together, and often, time split between their two families. If they throw a kid or two into the mix, they suddenly unlock a whole new level of all of these same issues, as both people try to figure out what kinds of parents they want to be. Tackling these challenges requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to work together as a team. If either partner has unresolved trauma, family-of-origin difficulties, or trust issues, these transitions can trigger some insecurities and anxiety that might need attention.
Another big transitional period is when children “leave the nest” and couples suddenly find themselves with just each other again. This might be prime time for another identity crisis, especially if a significant portion of their identity was tied to their role as a parent. They may struggle to redefine themselves and find new sources of meaning and fulfillment. Some individuals may experience “empty nest syndrome,” characterized by feelings of sadness, grief, or depression following the departure of their children. This syndrome can be triggered by the loss of daily interactions with children and the realization that the parenting role has shifted. New financial concerns, health issues, and marital issues may crop up as these couples may finally have to pay attention to issues that have gone unaddressed because they’ve focused on their children for so long. With this change, many may find themselves reflecting on their life choices, achievements, and regrets. This period of introspection can lead to existential questions about the meaning and purpose of life, which may contribute to feelings of anxiety or distress.
Though every situation is unique, these are all huge transitional periods for most people, and we’re all more likely to be successful if we can spend some time thinking about our own upcoming changes, and develop strategies to avoid pitfalls and increase our resilience.
So what can we do—what can you do—to increase the chances of successfully making it through these sometimes-complicated times? Of course there are individual answers, and things that help at different stages, but there are a few things that can increase positive outcomes in all of these life stages.
Self-Reflection and Acceptance: Take time to reflect on your values, goals, and priorities. Understanding what is important to you can guide your decisions and actions during the transition. Accept that change is a natural part of life and that transitions, though difficult, can also bring growth and new opportunities.
Be Open-Minded: Be open to new possibilities and be willing to adjust your plans as needed. Have realistic expectations about how you’re going to handle everything. Set small, achievable goals, and be kind to yourself. Flexibility and adaptability are key skills for navigating transitions effectively.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, a therapist, or an experienced coach who can provide emotional support, encouragement, and guidance during the transition. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can help lighten the burden and provide perspective.
Take Care of Yourself: Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, mindfulness, adequate sleep, and healthy eating. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being is essential for resilience during times of change. Establishing and maintaining a routine can provide a sense of stability and control during times of uncertainty, and it’s a great time to hold onto the activities that are helpful and pick up some new ones to improve your health and mental wellness.
Stay Present and Have Perspective: Focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety during times of transition. Keep things in perspective by reminding yourself that transitions are temporary and that you have overcome challenges in the past. Trust in your ability to adapt and thrive in the face of change.
Sure, things can go wrong during these big transitional periods. But by leaning into these practices, you can navigate life transitions with greater resilience, confidence, and wellbeing. Don’t forget to focus on the positive and exciting things that can also happen during these times! When things are shifting, your mindset has a big impact on how everything settles, and there are many wonderful and interesting opportunities for growth and change during these times. You’ve got this, and you’re going to do great!
If you feel you need a little help with an upcoming change, or you’re in the midst of one that’s not going well yet, let’s talk and make sure you’re setting yourself up for success!