The Plot Twists of Life
The Plot Twists of Life
Do you struggle with the same things now that you did as a child? What about when you were a teenager? Of course not. Though some difficulties run the course of our lives, each life stage comes with its own challenges and troubles. This variety comes from changes in responsibilities, physical health, relationships, and expectations. Some of the hard things in life are unavoidable, but knowing what might be coming can sometimes help us to control certain outcomes.
In childhood and adolescence, academic pressure is a big deal. Balancing academic demands with extracurricular activities, a social life, and sometimes even a job can be difficult, notwithstanding the outside expectations from parents and teachers. It’s a time of figuring out who we are. In adolescence, we explore personal values, beliefs, and interests while navigating the pressure of external influence—all while dealing with constantly changing bodies and brains. Sometimes the mix of family dynamics, bullying, peer pressure, and wanting to be accepted becomes completely overwhelming.
In young adulthood (late teens to mid-twenties), we’re making big educational transitions, working towards financial independence, dealing with uncertainty about our future relationships and career goals, and exploring our identity and autonomy at much deeper levels. The future is scary, and we’re terrified of making mistakes that might ruin our lives. We start to realize how little we know about the “adult” world, but we’re already expected to navigate so much of it.
As we settle into “real” adulthood (mid-twenties to mid-sixties), things get even more convoluted, and sometimes we think we really have ruined our lives! We’re still trying to figure out the job market, hoping for promotions or breakthroughs while managing work-life balance, and at the same time we’re trying to establish and maintain confusing (and sometimes volatile) romantic relationships. Our family dynamics are still shifting, and some of our friends have “gone off the deep end,” or are super successful (compared to us). Or, sometimes, we barely see them anymore and aren’t sure how to process any of that. Financial stability seems like a false destination that we can get closer and closer to, but never quite arrive at. Our physical health starts getting more complicated, and “getting the mail” and birthdays have lost their luster.
If we’re parenting, balancing family and career responsibilities may seem impossibly hard. Some days we might feel joy and pride at how our kids are turning out, only to find ourselves holding each other and crying a week later, sure that we’re screwing it all up. We have to figure out how to navigate increasingly complicated things like high-deductible health insurance, tax brackets, and teacher appreciation weeks. And we have to help our kids learn how to deal with their own lives and mental health when we can barely make sense of our own.
Once we transition through all of that and arrive at “later life” (mid-sixties and beyond), we’re suddenly stressing about not having enough retirement savings, and trying to make sure we’ve done all the right estate planning. There is something disconcerting about planning for your not-so-distant end of life. We’re coping with age-related health issues, chronic conditions, and changes in mobility and independence. We might be suffering from loneliness and social isolation, especially after retirement or after losing loved ones. Those same changes might mean we have to find new sources of purpose or meaning, and all the existential crises of our early twenties sometimes return in full force. We still worry about our kids, but can’t actually do anything about their life choices anymore. We worry about becoming a burden to the people we care about the most, and may spend too much time reflecting on the past and how we would change things if we could.
All of this sounds kind of bleak, but it doesn’t have to be that way. These challenges are a product of individual circumstances, cultural factors, and societal norms. This is a fancy way of saying, “Your experience is going to be unique.” What’s hard for someone else might not be hard for you, but we can all empathize with each other and try to help each other through it all. No one can choose all their circumstances, but we all get to choose our mindsets and how we’re going to handle the things life throws at us. While each stage of life presents unique obstacles, it also offers opportunities for personal growth, fulfillment, and positive change. Adaptability, support from loved ones, and using resources such as counseling or community services can help individuals rebound when things seem to be falling apart.
We get to write our own stories, and we can be powerful, creative authors. But sometimes, knowing some popular plot devices and conflict points can help us be more informed and come up with some better ways of handling things.
Do you feel like life has thrown you a few too many curveballs lately? Let’s set up a time to talk, and maybe I can help with your most recent “plot twists!”